What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?

Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.

I waited trembling.

He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!

How can couples reverse the buildup of resentment once they notice it?

Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.

I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.

(And it was in our own minds.)

Why does my sister want to have sex with me? What should I do?

I was very sick at this time too.

Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..

Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!

What is the funniest joke you've been told that you still think about to this day?

And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!

Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.

So whats the point in blame.

Can men enjoy receiving anal sex?

Who then, do I blame.?

But im dying ,and its too late for me.

But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .

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I was seconnd youngest,

I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.

Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!

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And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!

Put me off passion for life!!

One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)

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The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,

Its mostly always from childhood abuse .

Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.

What kind of person makes you think "how come there are people like that"?

Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.

Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.

One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.

Why are Indians so influenced by the Western culture, when the Indian tradition has so much to give?

Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..

Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.

Why did i forgive my father ?

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The only rule us 5 kids had .

We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!

BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.

Is there a possibility that we are living in a simulation and that there is a concept of rebirth?

Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other

Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.

Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.

What are tips for weight loss?

One cannot live in the past .

Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.

He was dying to do it , i knew.

Why do men like BBW? What is the attraction?

As i do to all so called friends.?

Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)

My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!

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I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.

Comes on , in middle age.

I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.

All the time i was locked up.

And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)

She wouldn,t have been !

As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.

I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.

He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.

But it wasn’t much.

I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.

And who doesn’t know suffering?

I never cut or harmed myself..

And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!

He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.

But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!

He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.

I have no regrets .

She was in good health!

My life is so biszare .

But, we were locked up after school.

I write beautiful poetry .

And, all my friends down the years ,where users.

He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!

But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!

Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?

Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.

I could never make a relationship work though!

She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!

But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !

Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t

My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.

Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.

She loved him until the end.

I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.

She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!

I said to her

I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.

Another so called friend had bit the dust..

I had hoped to write a book about this .

Would this be the day?

He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!

She married twice! .

She found it foreign!.

Im still living with it.

Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!

But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!

I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .

The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..

For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)

With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.

Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..

As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)

Ive learnt so much.

That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.

Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life

Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.

We all went to grammer schools

Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.

My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.

This is how, and why children get BPD.

You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.

Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!

One cannot hold on to bitterness.

My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.

I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.

The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.

He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.

She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!

Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.

.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them

It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.

I suffer greatly, because of BPD..

They are buried together, in the same grave..

He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!

She died at 55 of colon cancer.

What did i know ?

Thats was my nicest nick name for him

We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.

On the 31st of Jan this month .

So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.

And i lived it daily.

It was going to be , some day.

I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.

My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.

I know ,a lot about trauma.

So, i spoilt her more .

She was a women, a mother with her own children!.

Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.

She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.

But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,

I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.

I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor

Where the ultimate outsiders.

I will be 64.

You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .

We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..

Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years

I was scared of men, in general

Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.

Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.

A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.

This is soul school!.

He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!

As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!

We could never speak unless he spoke to us!

Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.

As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.

I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)

He resisted the act ,that day.

His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.

He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.

I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!

As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!

Was to survive, this bastard.

I might have to go back 30 generations or more..

It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.

And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .

So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.

But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).

They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?

I of course replied” arh beautiful!

Im dying but, im not bitter.

Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.

I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.

At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.

I was writing from the time i was a small child.

Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!

When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!

19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.

5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.

We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.

Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.

My family never makes their pension either.

I did it because my mum asked me too!

His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!

I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers

My mum and dad in the seventies!

Especially a lifetime of it.

But ive been too sick for many years..

One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.

When she asked me how she looked .

And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!

But im an empath, and i help lots of people.

Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..

My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .

And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.

The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!

But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.

He knew the spot.

I couldn’t, believe it.

I was 9 years of age.

I don,t even have a pension.

I think the readers, may guess!

We were not on the streets..

I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!

He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .

She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.